Hello, my name is Jurgen Kleinstopp and I would like to wellcome you all to my first review! I have a resume of preposterous size and I think it would please you all to experiantate it but unfortantly all of my more old pubblications are in German language and the world will never know them. Except the German world. Ha ha, you see I have a sense of humor and will constantly stimulate you!

Okay, lets start reviewing. I have to be reviewing old movies only because I will not go to movie theaters on account of Holly Wood being in the hands of Jews. So the previous night I ranted Appocalypse Now from the video rantal store and watched it all. I watched it two time to be conshientous! This is what I think:

It was not the side-spitting comedy I had been promised by knolledgable friends. I was only amused in parts, like when they had the hellicopters flying to Die Walküre. That was too much fun because they were Americans! So fun! But mostly the jokes were trying for great funniness but not understanding. Like the fat man at the end, because I know that often in American movies fat mans are very funny and intertaining (like David Spade!) but I did not think he was funny because he was acting so sad. They should have had dialog with the other man where the fat man would say “I wish a cheese burger!” and the other man would say “No fat man you are such a fat man, no cheese burgers for you!” and that would be too much fun! But this was not existent in Appocalypse Now.

All so there was too much with boats. Always boat, boat, boat in the whole movie when I was wanting trains or submarines with nuclear power! Or a carrige with horses but the horses could be skeleton horses with real horse skulls. That would have visual and emotional impact like the best of American cinnema. Again, Appocalypse Now came up short in that deppartment.

The third aspect that Appocalypse Now lacked was human understanding (and when I say human understanding I mean like Forest Gump! That movie understanded everything!) But this sad movie did not explore its logickish consequents, like why mans in the hot jungle would stay there and get shot. No, no, if this was a thoughtfull movie they would have all gone home and never met the fat man. Like when Forest Gump is shot in the butt-tocks, and he says it like that, butt-tocks to the Presadent! That is a movie!

Okay, my time is up but I hope I gave you understanding of this significant yet flawed fim. I reccomend watching it with the sound turned off and you can give the people your own dialog and then its funny! Like the afore mentioned exampel with the cheese burger and the fat man. Thats what I did the second time and I dont regret a second of it.

Bye bye,
Jurgen.

Apocalypse Now. Rated R. 153 minutes. Starring Marlon Brando, Robert Duvall, Martin Sheen. Directed by Francis Ford Coppola.