Want mail?       As the Florida recount continues, with the winner of the presidential election still far from clear, noted cartoon character and perennial write-in presidential candidate Mickey Mouse takes some time to chat with Burning Circus. BC: Thank you for meeting with us, Mr. Mouse. MM: My pleasure. BC: Mr. Mouse, current tallies from Florida show Governor Bush with a lead as small as 300 votes over Vice President Gore. Given that these same tallies show that you received 428 write-in votes in the state, your presence could have the potential to swing the election one way or the other. How do you feel about that? MM: Well, I think it's very important in terms of increasing visibility. The closeness of the election shows that the voters have no definite preference for one candidate over the other, and in that light it's only natural for many people to search for an alternative. This is what my candidacy offers. BC: What would you say to the arguments that voters in search of a third party would be more likely to vote for Nader or Buchanan? MM: They're still within the system. In order to get on the ballot, one has to obtain a certain number of signatures, which naturally involves publicity, fundraising, and all the other rigmarole that has corrupted politics in this country. The only way for voters to truly send a message for change is to vote for a write-in candidate, preferably for a candidate who does not, in fact, physically exist. BC: Polls conducted by ABC and CNN suggest that your primary appeal among voters is your oversized ears. What do you say to the charge that your candidacy is stealing votes from George W. Bush, for whom the large-ear demographic would presumably have voted in your absence? MM: I don't think I can be accused of stealing votes from Governor Bush, because I don't think he's entitled to them. If he wants to represent the large-ear demographic, let him earn their trust. BC: But regardless, you can't deny that your candidacy has the potential to swing this election. Who would you rather see in office? MM: I'm not concerned about this election. I'm in for the long run. I have been a popular write-in candidate for decades, and in those decades have seen many other cartoon characters become viable alternatives for the people. Donald Duck, Goofy, Strom Thurmond... BC: Strom Thurmond isn't a cartoon. MM: Excuse me? BC: No, he's an actual human being. MM: [pause] I did not know that. BC: To what do you attribute your popularity in Florida? MM: I have a longstanding relationship with the people of Florida, particularly those living near Walt Disney World. I'm attentive to their concerns, I recognize the issues, and I think this election has demonstrated that at least a fraction of the state's citizens have judged me worthy to represent them. BC: Yes... about Walt Disney World, how do you respond to the recent allegations that it is not in fact you who greets visitors to the park, but rather any of a group of failed actors who, having lost their bids for cinematic stardom, are now forced into the demeaning and thankless work of impersonating you inside a giant mouse suit in order to support their alcohol habits? MM: [long pause] I would prefer not to discuss that at this time. BC: As you like. Well, that about wraps up this interview. Thank you for your time, Mr. Mouse. MM: My pleasure. And I'll see you in 2004.