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BC: Lets get started right away, mystery guest. Okay, so are you an animal, mineral, or vegetable?

Eagle: What -- you're joking? I'm calcium. For chrissake.

BC: Now remember, the 20 Questions is for our readers because they can't see you. We know you're a bird but that's because we're right here interviewing you.

Eagle: Oh great! Well now they know.

BC: Sorry. Okay, so you're an animal. Are you a bird?

Eagle: What? What is this? So you're a funny man huh? I don't find this funny. Look, I came all the way out from Montana for th--

BC: Aha! Are you from Montana?

Eagle: You know something? You're an ass. I'm outta here.

BC: Wait! We'll be good, we promise. Come here. Here birdie.

Eagle: Knock it off.

BC: Sorry. Okay, are you a raptor or a seed- and bug-bird?

Eagle: Isn't this suppossed to be in yes or no format?

BC: Um, okay. You're a raptor, yes?

Eagle: Well, yes, but you see how you're phrasing things? You're basically telling your readers what I am.

BC: You're right of course. We'll stop. We'll be subtle. (sifts through que cards) Oooookay. If you were on the back of a coin, which coin would you be on?

Eagle: Wait that's not fair! I am on the back of a coin.

BC: Aha aha! And it's the quarter, right? The American quarter?

Eagle: This sucks. Just cut me a check and I'm on the next flight home.

BC: A check?

Eagle: (turning red) Yes. A check. Like how you pay someone when they agree to somebody's stupid interview?

BC: Oooh, you mean the birdseed. It's out back. It's hanging from the eave. Like a feeder sort of. Only it's clumped together and kind of bell-shaped. You can't miss it.

Eagle: Dammit, I'm an eagle! E-A-G-L-E! I don't eat birdseed, I eat rodents! And smaller birds! And I scavenge on raw meat!

BC: And do you have any hair? I mean, you don't have any hair, right? And isn't someone who doesn't have hair...might we call him bald?

Eagle: That's it! I'm gone! You're all morons. I'll see that you never interview another another bird in this town ever again! (flys away)

BC: Are you a bald eagle? You are! We win! Thank you dear readers, thank you. Another successful game of 20 Questions.

BC: ...

BC: ...

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BC: Oh gross. That's going to stain.