Want mail?

BC: Welcome, Mister Norris, and thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule as a Texas Ranger to grant us this interview. As I hear it, you have a new hobby of sorts.

CN: It was in the spring of 1989 that it first happened. I didn't know what to make of it then...

BC: You mean about the...?

CN: Yeah, the--

BC: Right.

CN: Um.

BC: Whaté?

CN: The Raisin Bran commercials.

BC: Oh.

CN: I'd been working out all day with Hulk Hogan and Drew Barrymore, and I came home and poured myself a Bud, and turned on the tube and there was this big... fuckin'... sun. Like huge. And it had these scoops... these raisins... and it was wearing sunglasses. (turns away, looks haunted)

BC: But about the Aztecs?

CN: Well...fuckin'... look, man, solar worship was practically ubiquitous in the Pre-Columbian cultures of Meso-America (though the Aztecs are a special case since their capital city of Tenochtitlan adjoined a lake so that various aquatic demiurges were naturally present in their collective
unconscious and combined with euhemuristic tendencies to create composite water-deities on a level of significance nearly equal to that of Huitzipochtli, their sun-god) since the climactic and geographic characteristics of the region, as in Pharaonic Egypt prior to the Twentieth Dynasty, placed the sun in a far more obtrusive position than any other natural phenomenon to which animistic or fetishistic characteristics could be attached, but my point is Huitzipochtli never wore sunglasses. And this sun did. And he's bestowing raisins on the populace. Something's off. Something's eerie. The sun's trying to block out its own rays--it's afraid of itself. Does this mean God is dead? Ya know?

BC: I understand you have an acronym for us, Chuck.

CN: Yeah. "Aztec" means "Angels Zealously Touch Every Christian." They're out there. The angels. They're... so pretty. (starts crying) I'm sorry. This means a lot to me. If you print this, I'll fuckin' kill you.