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POLITICS 2000
George W. Bush GOOD: Won't smoke a damp cigar
BAD: Would attempt to smoke damp crank
UGLY: Can't find where to put crank in Laura Bush
Al Gore: GOOD: Operates on only 4 'AA' batteries
BAD: Lost human soul in boating accident
UGLY: Tipper's vibrator uses only 2.
John McCain: GOOD: Stopped running down Vietnamese on panzer joyrides
BAD: Holds no grudge against soulless, godless fetus-eating gooks
UGLY: Started running down Vietnamese-Americans on panzer joyrides
John McCain: GOOD: Inspired the country, challenged politics, became American hero
BAD: Lost the primary
UGLY: Took it out on gook-like daughter
Bill Bradley: GOOD: Much much taller than those tiny asian leaders.
BAD: Thick fleshy neck can clear an orphanage in 35 seconds.
UGLY: Thick fleshy neck much larger than those tiny asian leaders.
Bill Clinton: GOOD: Lies, has affairs, is kinky as he wants to be.
BAD: Notched the presidential headboard into firewood.
UGLY: Monica Lewinsky.
Alan Greenspan: GOOD: Smarter than the average bear market.
BAD: Bad tennis game causes temper tantrums.
UGLY: Temper tantrums cause collapse of world economy.
George W. Bush: GOOD: Can ask daddy for advice, allowance.
BAD: Not too good with that pesky english language thing.
UGLY: White house is the 'hella wicked party shit.'
Hilary Clinton: GOOD: The only woman Clinton couldn't get to suck his dick.
BAD: Wants senatorship so bad she can taste it.
UGLY: Can't get that taste of 'old congressman' out of her mouth.
Alan Keyes: GOOD: Outspoken, full of Jesus, faces the issues, no chance of election.
BAD: Rode that affirmative action train way too long.
UGLY: Would only be counted as 3/5 of a president.





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